Child Refuses Contact? What One Family Court Case Shows

A father's application to spend time with his 10-year-old son, who says he hates him, has been refused, Today's Family Lawyer reported on 5 November. The Birmingham Family Court judgment in F v M [2025] EWFC 540 (B), which followed a hearing in September 2025, doesn't turn on a dramatic point of law. What makes it worth reading is the question it deals with, one that many separated parents face at some point: what happens when a child simply refuses to see one parent?

What the Family Court Found

The parents had two children, aged 10 and eight, and contact had been contested for a long time. The older boy had stopped seeing his father and said he was too scared to go. The younger child was happy to see him. The father denied the mother's allegations and argued that she had alienated their son from him.

The judge rejected that argument, finding the test for parental alienation wasn't met. He found the father's parenting disciplinarian, including physical chastisement, that he favoured the younger child and that he wasn't attuned to the older boy's emotional needs. The boy's reaction was described as disproportionate and extreme, but also entrenched, and the judge accepted there was some justification for it.

He also considered moving the boy elsewhere, but noted the father's lack of insight into what that would mean, including separating the siblings. His conclusion was that ongoing litigation and forcing the issue was not the answer.

How Much Weight Does a Child's View Carry?

In child arrangements cases, the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration. Under the welfare checklist in the Children Act 1989, a judge must consider the child's ascertainable wishes and feelings in light of their age and understanding.

That doesn't give a child a veto, and there's no set age at which their view decides the matter. The checklist also covers their emotional needs, any harm they've suffered or are at risk of, and how capable each parent is of meeting their needs. Here, the boy's wishes mattered because of the reasons behind them. A child who's reluctant because of a new hobby or a recent argument may be treated very differently from one with an entrenched fear.

The court also has ways of testing a child's views. A Cafcass officer may prepare a report, and in complex cases a children's guardian can be appointed to represent the child. In this case, the guardian warned that forcing contact could be harmful.

Why Parental Alienation Claims Need Evidence

Parents who are being refused contact often reach for the idea of parental alienation, and sometimes that concern is justified. But it's a serious allegation, and a court will want evidence. Where a child's resistance has its own explanation, such as the parent's behaviour, the claim is unlikely to succeed and can make matters worse.

This judgment doesn't let the other parent off the hook, either. The judge found the mother's concerns genuine and well founded, but also that she hadn't promoted contact as well as she might have. He described both parents as intransigent and found their conflict had worsened things for their son.

What to Do if Your Child Refuses to See a Parent

Most cases will never look like this one. If your child starts resisting contact, a few steps can stop the problem from hardening:

• Stay calm and listen. Ask what's behind it without pressing or criticising the other parent.
• Keep a factual record. Dates, what was said and what happened are far more useful than opinions.
• Check any existing order. A court order remains binding. If you can't comply because your child refuses, take legal advice quickly rather than quietly stopping contact.
• Take safety concerns seriously. If your child discloses harm, get advice straight away.
• Consider support outside court. Mediation, parenting programmes and family therapy can all help. Here, the judge suggested therapeutic work involving the boy and both parents.

Before applying to court, you'll normally need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, unless an exemption applies, for instance because of domestic abuse.

What Should You Do Next?

When a child refuses to see a parent, both parents can feel frightened and stuck. Our first contact team is here to listen and can match you with an experienced family solicitor near you in the QualitySolicitors network, who can explain your options and help you focus on what's best for your child. Get in touch whenever you feel ready, and we'll help you find the right support.